I think it’s very important at this very moment to be transparent.
Marriage was at my door within the last year. I had given up on the idea to be honest, and just resolved to adopt a child a few years ago but...being around the families that I'm around God began to turn my heart. He made it pliable again...and something happened. There was a knock at my door. I wasn't looking for it. I wasn't chasing it. But this knock was a familiar knock. Eveything was going well. It was endearing, fun, nice, it was a good feeling. It seemed like it was "IT" we both thought so. He more so than I, but I came around to the possibility. Before I knew it we were making plans for forever...But something went wrong. Terribly wrong. Can't explain it if I tried because I couldn’t even fully figure it out. So we went our separate ways...Nonetheless..months go by and “it” showed up again. But I've had time to evaluate me in the process of separation. And so not only are my eyes open but mother wisdom and mother discernment is working in me. I'm trying to be open in the process. My friends are telling me honey just give it time. Just talk to him...Give it time.
But there were "signs" that I couldn't ignore or deny. [Despite the LOVE] Because if I told you that I fell out of love I'd be lying to you! And God and I didn't start the process of healing in my life for me to be a liar!!
The love was definitely a factor but it can't be the ONLY factor.
So let me help you...
Women. You HAVE to know your worth!
I know it's getting real out here.
I understand the time is winding down.
I understand you feel lonely.
But what I also KNOW is you DO NOT have to settle.
Hear me good....
There is NOTHING wrong with you desiring to be married. (You were created to be a helpmeet. So what you feel was placed in you by God!! Don’t you dare feel guilty about that!)
Bend...but no you don't have to compromise certain things JUST to say you have a man.
Too many are doing that! And I'll be the first to say I have waited this long—I’m not about to compromise just to say that I have a man. Sisssssssss. Noooooooo.
If there were enough women NOT compromising then standards wouldn’t be so taboo.
Now I'm not all that deep. But I love God like for real. I respect who He is and who I am in Him. There are some things that are not going to be compromised!!
Lost one...Lost two....Lost three...I'm not afraid of losing! So if the intent is to attempt to get me to choose you over Christ? I lost you before you showed up!! Not happening!!
Where are the standards?!!
Where is the respect?!!
Like this is not about male bashing this is about YOU my SISTA!!!
THIS IS ABOUT US!!!
This is not about "he has to be tall dark and handsome. It's not about he has to have a Beamer or a Lex. It's not even about he has to have good credit...This is about "but do you love God for real though? Like are we in this walk and on the same path for real though?" Because if we are...then compromising what I believe in should be the least of my worries. But there are too many achans in the SISTA camp!! Too many trading the soul of what’s between your legs for a male not to love you but to just want you for whatever reason!!
And I get it. I hear you. I've never been you but I hear you. Because for me its never been about using sex to make him stay. Not my plight. I can't relate. But what I can relate to is being so lonely to the point that you start saying that wrong is right to justify being with what you KNOW is not compatible with your walk.
I've done folly!! Won't lie about that either it's a part of my testimony!!
My flesh.....it needs constant subjection!! And there has been times when the Spirit was willing but the flesh was weak!
So let's be clear...I'm not here to judge you! You're my SISTA! I'm here to share and build WITH you.
To share with you some experiences. Some do's and don'ts. And some real truths...
Don't settle!!
Because after the wedding is over.
After the big day is done.
After yall have sex all over the house.
Sis what your soul looking like?
Sis has your "man" poured into you spiritually or is he still pouring his insecurities into your safe place? Sis is he still using you to dump his seed that he don't want you to really carry but bury?
Or maybe he wants you to have it and add more and more and make it harder for you to leave because you feel obligated or feel like nobody's going to want you now with "all these kids"?
I see YOU sis. I feel YOU sis. But none of that will make him love you enough to respect you.
If he can't pour into you SIS he's NOT for you!!
If he can't build you up and help you execute what God placed in you. SIS walk away.
If he does not discern to pray for you when you tell him about how trying your day was and now you have nothing to give him or those who need your gift?!! Sisss don't waste anymore time. Don't pass go. Don't proceed!!
Because SIS!! YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made. The very fabric of your being has been woven and created by God. The essence of who you are and the purpose that you carry can't afford to be damaged because SIS after you marry there is still work to do!! Will you be empowered or feel devoured?!!
It's time for you to declare some things...
It's time for US to declare some things...
I wil NOT compromise my faith
I will NOT deny who I believe in
I will trust in the Lord with all of my heart
I will wait on the Lord because He promised to renew my strength
I do NOT have to play house first
I do NOT have to have sex first
Although I am not perfect...
I AM worth waiting for
I AM worth fighting for
I do NOT have to continue in sin
I do NOT have to accept my past as an excuse to intefere with my future
It is NOT my job to pursue
It is not my job to look
I will trust that he will find me
I will put myself in settings that are conducive to my walk to be found
I deserve to be loved
I AM WORTH IT!!
I will NOT settle
I CANNOT settle
SIS do NOT be discouraged!!
God's got you!!
He knows what you need and desire
But don't put yourself in a place for Him to deny your request because of your flesh.
Don't marry out of your purpose.
I had to ask myself why God allowd me to experience this again. I had to challenge where I am in life. I had to ask myself the hard questions because I'm not ok with this. What was I to learn from this AGAIN.
What I realized is this one thing...and I know for sure—is that God was interested in knowing would I still choose Him the second time around knowing the years I felt like I lost by choosing Him before.
I had to resolve that!!
God I STILL choose you!!
I’m All IN!!
So God cover me while I continue in this journey...
...Now unto Him who is able...!!
