I’m sure many of us have heard the expression “Patience is a virtue”. We usually here this expression when we show a lack of or when we have exercised the act of patience and it has proven to be rewarding. Sometimes, when we hear phrases, quotes, expressions they become more of a cliché than a plea to our character. Had it not been for a series of events this past week I probably would have looked this over as if it were another meaningless account that I would soon get over. But as I am attempting daily to evolve spiritually, in my quest I find myself asking God: “Now what was I supposed to learn from that?”
I don’t believe anything happens without cause. So as of late I have been in constant dialogue with God about how things are happening in my life. Things like: “God what was the point of that? If it wasn’t going to work out why did you let me go through it, if I prayed about it first?” So I did all of that and had a humble spirit and I still get treated like…you gotta explain this to me because I don’t get it.” [Yea I’ve been talking to God just like that.]
Empowerment phrase: Don’t be afraid to have a conversation with God about how things are going and happening in your life. God is not afraid of you. He’s not intimidated by you. So if you have something that you need to say He already knows…just say it. The truth is…He just wants to hear from you anyway. Sometimes it’s in our discomfort that we spend the most time with Him and we learn if we endure that what seemed unbearable and life threatening…really wasn’t. Sometimes, He will answer while you’re talking. But if you just pause, discern, acknowledge and consider the moment…truth can and will be revealed to you.
So this past weekend I had a series of events that was really trying my patience.
I left work to get my hair done on Friday. I got to my destination at 6:00 P.M. [now I will be fair in saying that my appointment wasn’t until 7:00 P.M.] but I was advised to call an hour early. I didn’t just call but I put myself in the position to be available. I did the extra that I wasn’t asked to do. I did not follow instructions. But I wanted results because I had an agenda that I didn’t properly prepare for. I wanted to go to another event because it was convenient for me to do so. At any rate, I did not leave the salon until almost 1:00 A.M. I was so internally furious (not expressive) that I did not acknowledge how flawless my hair was and I walked passed the event that I wanted to attend and it was still going on!! A missed opportunity because of my lack of patience and emotional status.
The following day, the same transpired. Attempting to control a situation without room for grace is a disservice to you and all around you. My purpose for being where I was should not have been overshadowed with my need to be somewhere else. I was not in control of the situation and I had to let it be what it was in that moment.
Then came Sunday…I knew the day would be extremely busy. I attempted to prepare myself the best I could but I had more on my plate than I considered. Timing was everything to me because I had so many places to be and yet again I was not in control of the situation. My ability to meet every criteria was predicated on the time efficiency and communication of others. After this day, I made some apologies to people that I had offended because in my anger and aggravation I talked to God and He showed me myself. “I know what you say they did. But what did you do? How did you handle it?” I asked God to forgive me and help me with my temperament and my patience.
Then comes Monday morning. My transportation failed me. I ended up extremely late for work. But this time…there was a change in my response despite my anger. Instead of lashing out I said “Jesus help me.” Instead of addressing the situation I used an outlet to vent that was a “safe place” and I prayed for help! The driver knew that I was late for work so his response was to speed. Nearly 3 accidents in retrospect could have happened while he tried urgently get me to my destination! I never addressed him…I just kept talking to my “safe place” and asking God to help me. I made it to work late. But I made it to work!! Still angry. Because I had not realized that the outcome was more powerful than the process.
In my experiences that were imperfect to me, I failed to realize what I should have focused on.
My hair was done with perfection. My friend and his family were comforted. People were set free, healed and delivered and there I was STUCK in my emotional state. I’d lost my composure and not only did I lose patience but I also misplaced its virtue.
Virtue…Why is this word plaguing me so much? Because through these experiences what I have come to realize is virtue not only speaks to righteousness…it also speaks to integrity and nobility! There you have it. I am failing at what I was destined to succeed in. My name means Nobility! The enemy and the inner me is attempting to forfeit my purpose. I am struggling with who I am supposed to be!!!! The past two years I have been constantly seeking God to build my character. Help me to work on my integrity…“Doing the right thing when no one is looking.” Failing!!! Succeeding in some areas but overall failing in my temperament.
Because I have been so infuriated with the process that I haven’t been able to recognize the outcomes.
I truly repent. Because in this I have not seen God’s patience towards me. I have not fully recognized…
…His grace towards me! Being a follower of Him means that I should emulate His character. That means showing mercy, forgiving, loving, having compassion and PATIENCE with those that may not always deserve it…but you do it because of LOVE.
It is my continued prayer that God continues to humble me through my imperfections and strengthen me to achieve what He’s already purposefully done in me.
And I pray for you…
…That through your aggravations that God will reveal to you where He is trying to grow you. Everything has meaning. Nothing happens without purpose. Seek Him. God is not afraid of your situation…