One of the hardest things to try to understand for a Christian, is someone who does not believe in Christ. We cannot wrap our minds around an unbeliever because we have been believers for so long. Even our experiences have taught us to trust in the Lord. To depend on the Lord, to lean on the Lord. What we are not honest about however is, although we proclaim Christ, we have "atheist moments " in our lives; where we do not believe the way we ought to! We do not believe and trust God the way we say we do.
My goal in this particular topic is to not focus on what you think I'm going to focus on. As I was actually contemplating this an atheist, a self-proclaimed atheist walked by as I was standing outside for lunch. In that moment, I began to think about some of the life experiences that I have known this person to have. Surely, I don't know everything. But I do know some things that cause me to take a step back and understand how someone can stop believing.
Growing up with or around this individual, I remember both parents being addicted to drugs. I remember a grandmother who raised and took care of them passing away. I remember an uncle molesting them. When we were older, and no doubt distance in life kept us from being so close, I remember the abuse from the fathers of both of her children. I remember when her first child’s father was murdered on the street she currently lives on. There is a lot to the story that would cause anyone to not believe! How could a God allow all of these bad things to happen in her life? How could a God allow this pain to continue in her life? All she knew was abuse and death! All she knew was pain. Peace was…is... unrecognizable! Joy is unrecognizable! How could she have faith? All of these good things that she heard people say or talk about as it relates to Jesus… she struggled with. To believe in a God like that?! How? Struggling to believe the message that a pastor preaches about “It will get better.” When nothing has gotten better for her! At least not believing in better because of “God” will keep her from being so discouraged when she does not see things going the way God said it would go. To her He can't be real? If He were real than the pain would become even more real! How could all of these bad things keep happening to morally good people...? There cannot be a God that would allow all of this pain.
Numbing the truth of His existence allows one to just say “it’s just life”. Life happens.
I had to sit back and think because again I am in a place where my truth is developing who I'm supposed to be in God and if I could be honest there have been atheist moments in my life where I did not believe in a God who would allow me to go through so much pain. There have been times in my life that I turned my back on something I did not understand. Surely a God would not allow these things to happen to me and so I searched and I searched for an answer and even when I knew I couldn't find the answer in Christ I began to look in the answer through other gods. I didn't want to fully give up on God, on Christ. For a moment, I walked away from Him because of the pain of believing in someone who had seemingly allowed me to endure so much pain. Pain that had become overwhelming.
Can we all just take a moment and reflect? I believe we've all had some non-believing moments. Even if we didn't fully turn away. In our heart and our mind.. we walked away. Every time we try to put things in our own hands we are subconsciously “walking away”.
So again the question is asked? Can we all just take a moment and reflect? We've had some non-believing moments too! Fortunately, it is the grace of God that still abounds in us that has allowed us and afforded us the opportunity to pursue faith again. To pursue believing. To pursue a God that none of us fully understand. But trying deeply to trust with our very lives. Can we agree to have mercy on those that do not believe...yet? The Bible says: "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some (non-believers) count slackness, but is longsuffering toward [a]us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." Even in what we don't understand. Even to the pain of our lives. He is looking for us to trust HIS plan despite our pain. It is a hard thing. Yet it is a daily journey that we all must travel.
I challenge every one of us to have empathy toward someone that is going through their moment. No matter how many years. They are going through these moments of unbelief because of life's pain.
Jesus prayed for the disciples…His followers. Intently, He called on the Father to cover the believers. [John 17:1-19]
But let us not forget that He didn’t pray for disciples only…..
The red letters say: My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who WILL believe in me through THEIR message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. We are not just praying for those that believe already we are praying for those that shall believe through our message of Christ. [John 17:20-24]
Remember someone today that is struggling to believe and struggling to hold on to their faith because of the “Why's” and "How comes" of life.
So in reflecting on this question: Why would a God who loves me allow bad things to happen to me?” I can only resolve through the book of Job. When God trusted Job with his pain and God told His enemy “You can touch his life and everything attached to him, but I believe in him. I God, believe that he will not stop believing in Me. And when he comes out through his faith in Me I will give him double for going through what he did not deserve.”
The answer is: God is depending on you to keep the faith!!