There is a term that I've heard in the last few years called "rape culture". To those of you who haven’t heard of this term, it is a sociological concept for a setting in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality.
In other words, somehow society tends to turn their head when someone is raped depending on their status and social settings. Rape culture has been trivialized, objectified, victim-blaming and slut shaming. So it's the victims fault and or consequence for the act of rape. Rape culture has been used in slavery as gay slave owners would rape the male slave in front of their wives and children to break his spirit and cause their families to consider him weak. Sometimes these men would commit suicide after experiencing such a devastating and immoral act. In prisons, men and women who did not adhere to the men/women that were assigned to uphold the law would be raped to assert authority. Other prisoners would rape new prisoners to claim dominance and ownership as their property while serving their time. This was also exemplified in war soldiers who would rape their enemies and bring them into sexual slavery and prostitution as an attempt to gain psychological power; and cause dehumanization of the victim leaving them subservient to his/her oppressor and voiceless. (In order to humiliate their enemy.)
Quite vile when you think about it right? But it was actually justified as long as it was a means to an end. The sad thing is this idea of rape culture started thousands of years ago with the same rational you see in past times and even today. This idea didn't just happen but often times this was a seed sown within families and never properly dealt with or corrected and spilled into societal behaviors.
This brings me to the meat of what I’d like to share on this particular blog….
…There is a common name that every race whether black or white, every culture whether Jewish or Italian, every religion whether Christian or Muslim, can identify with [or you have heard the name] King David. He is without doubt one of the most famous and renowned kings in all of history.
Known for slaying lions and bears, Goliath with a Sling Shot and ultimately becoming the King of Israel.
David is and was the man! What many fail to acknowledge is that although King David was indeed "the man" he was also a very flawed family man. Many may have heard of David but may not know much about his family life with the exception of his obsession with Bathsheba.
I mean what else is there to know right? Wrong. David had a huge family. He had eight wives and 19 plus children (unfortunately only the male sons were counted as if they were the only ones who mattered). However, David is believed to have 2 other sons (believed to have died at birth so hey they doesn't count either because it was frowned upon…but that's another story for another day) and then there was Tamar. She was the daughter of David and Maacah.
Now before I go any further—I realize this is a lot of information but it is crucial to this story. I need you the reader to understand that rape culture is unfortunately not new at all. We know that there is nothing new under the sun. So yea anyway, Tamar is the beautiful daughter of her father and mother and sister to her only full brother Absalom. Rewind, remember I said David had 19 plus children? Well Amnon was one of them and because the culture says his mother doesn't matter I'm going to tell you her name anyway...Ahinoam. Never scared! Anyway, Amnon has a thing for his half sister. Wow! Although, Levitcus says this type of thing was unlawful because of the culture Amnon just didn't care. He set his own sister up to ....yup...rape her. Prior to this occurrence, he woos her. (Or what we call today: swoons her) He tells her he's in love with her, but she sees that this isn't going to go well so she pleads with him to ask for her hand in marriage. (how desperate is that??) Seemingly she knew that this would end up back firing on her and she would never marry if he raped her so she kept pleading. From her perspective, the least he could do since boys rule is marry me since you claim you love me so much. But the problem is it wasn't love (it's usually not if you have to rape someone to have them) it was obsession, lust, an unnatural affection that was sure to pass once he got what he wanted and sure enough it did! After he laid with her he was utterly disgusted with her. The scripture goes on to say he hated her more than he had loved her! (2 Samuel 13:15) Wow...that went left real quick!
Poor Tamar right? Poor King David? Or Poor Amnon? The fact that this is a question to ponder says a lot about "the culture". Tamar is the victim. Forced to live with her brother Absalom after being humiliated and damaged goods. David is angry his house is in disarray but his son Amnon is supposed to be the next king! He can't punish him! Not only does he not punish him he never even addresses it with him! Talk about rape culture!! Here it is his daughter was raped by her own brother!! He does nothing because his son was crowned prince? No he does nothing because to acknowledge what his son did would bring reproach on his kingdom and he would be seen as not having control over his household. So now the plot thickens. He sacrifices his own daughter "for the culture". Good old King David right? We all love him right? He's a man after God's own heart and he got all of this going on.
Argh! Let me come out of my feelings so I can continue....so Absalom sees his father really not trying to compromise who he is over a private family matter so Absalom plots to avenge his sister and takes it personal because to violate his sister is like violating him (I guess it's a man thing. Make it about you to cause you to man up and defend the woman…I guess..shrugs).
Fast forward: Absalom orders his brother Amnon to be murdered and then he flees. He becomes an enemy of his father David. Absalom and David have it out. Absalom tries to flee and dies a reckless death.
But what would have happened if David would have stood up for his own daughter? What would have happened if he didn't allow status, prestige and male dominance to silence her? Like so many other women who have been quiet and also silenced due to a fault not of their own. Sure David lost 2 sons but what he failed to consider is the day he didnt defend his daughter—he had lost her too! As the story says she ran to her mother’s father’s house not even her father’s side of the family because she knew she could not put trust in who did not come to her rescue.
How many people in your family, your circle, your job, your church, your tribe know what you experienced or what someone has experienced but felt it best to keep silent? Are you one of them? If so, you are inadvertently continuing a culture that needs to be abolished for good!
The saying "snitches get stitches" does not justify your silence. There are lives at stake and it's past time to break the cycle and demolish the "culture" for the culture….!
To be continued…
