“The Proposal”

 *DISCLAIMER* I am dealing with my own stuff. I haven’t been in the mood for social media. Just not. I am still mourning and achingly grieving the loss of my mother and one of my aunts...December 2018 was straight “savage” for me. God dropped this in my Spirit so vividly and told me to encourage whoever NEEDS to hear this* I posted this as a status on FACEBOOK but as a co-blogger I am sharing on here. 

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Isn’t it funny how a bride to be is in utter shock when the proposal happens? Like (for the most part) she ALREADY knows it’s coming...that it’s on the way...she of course doesn’t know when but she’s assured because she’s either discussed rings with her future husband, gone ring shopping with him, etc....

...but when the moment actually comes [that she knew was EVENTUALLY coming...] she STILL rejoices, she cries, she laughs, she runs around, she’s caught off guard”, she’s shocked...she’s grateful...overjoyed...she usually responds as if she had no idea it was gonna happen...that’s exactly what FAITH looks like...it is the substance (the real physical matter of which a person or thing consists and which has a tangible, solid presence.) it’s a presence...

of things NOT SEEN. Faith is a “supernatural” presence of the unseen. Believing it’s going to happen...even though what you see isn’t in your view yet...isn’t in your possession...YET...takes and is faith. See the thing about a proposal...even after she sees the ring in its physical form it STILL takes FAITH for her to willingly say yes... (not yes to a ring) but to an UNKNOWN future called marriage...

....for this very reason faith without WORKS is dead...

...in 2019 God gently wanted me to tell somebody who wants to receive this at 1:58 PM on the 8th day in January that it’s gonna happen. But it’s up to you to BELIEVE that it’s gonna happen. You already know what He’s told you, you know His promises are yay and amen, you know that He has an expected end with a bright future for you...you’ve received prophetic words from 2000-up until now...so you know “it’s” coming....the manifestation of what you’re ALREADY expecting is about to unfold...on top of that God’s word is TRUE! He is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that our finite minds can even ASK OR THINK....but when it comes...He wants you to respond like that of a soon to be bride...praise Him, rejoice, worship! Not because you deserve it—but because He saw fit to CHOOSE YOU...simply because you knew it was coming and you BELIEVED!

💕

A Message To The Women...

As we prepare to enter the new year, I know some of you have a lot of mixed emotions, feelings, disappointments, etc. I’m sure you have been hearing a lot of words and prophecies telling you 2018 was your year.  And now on December 31, 2018 you find yourself in the same status as you started the year. Single. This reflection can cause a great deal of pain, animosity, bitterness and sadness because you really believed this was it!! I mean 2018 right! The number eight represents newness. A new job, a new car, a new home and a new love…I mean we have heard it all haven’t we? And although this may seem humorous to you to reflect back on the truth of the matter is you’re not really laughing. Some of us are really angry. Some of us are really struggling to embrace what is to come because the anticipation of our past hasn’t produced any results. Yea we’ve dated here and there. We’ve had some potential situations that we knew weren’t really potentials but some of us have resolved to compromise some of our standards because we’ve legit been told they are too high. Now granted, some of the things we desire if superficial should be reconsidered. However, there are some things that shouldn’t be compromised because of the worth we place on who we are. Ladies you have to know your worth to know what is uncompromising.  

And although loneliness is not an easy burden to bear the future pains of the wrong decision can cost you more than ITS worth.

Let’s set some goals for 2019. Realistic goals to strengthen who we are in God to the point that we can discern what’s not OF God when it approaches us.

1. Commit to prayer daily.

Don’t pray for a relationship. Don’t pray for a husband. Pray for your purpose on the Earth.  Let God reveal to you who He destined you to be. And in that you will find hidden truth that can only be revealed through intimacy with Jesus Christ. 

2. Commit to community service/outreach.

Listen you have a lot of free time on your hands and that can be dangerous. Free time that’s idle can cause you to entertain what you shouldn’t be. Busy yourself with helping others instead of feeling sorry for yourself. You will find that there are people that have it far worse than you do. You will learn to appreciate what you do have while caring and praying for those that are without.

3. Commit to character & integrity building.

How you are says a lot about who you are not what you or people perceive you to be.  It is vitally important for women to not only know their moral and ethical standards but to live according to them. This will assist both you and a person of interest in identifying common interest, values and beliefs. But if you don’t know who you are on the premise of how you LIVE you will always attract the wrong fruit...

4.  Compromise NOT.

Listen my sister now is not the time to entertain someone who is unsure of who they are. Don’t confuse a friend for a lover.  There are a lot of women who feel they are “Stuck” because they compromised and turned a blind eye to what they KNEW. So hear me good when I say this ‘YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HIM!’. Only God can do it!! I don’t care how saved he is and how filled he is and how great he is..KNOW what you are getting into and choose wisely. Your future, your seeds, your purpose depends on it. Don’t ignore the red flags.

5. Commit and be accountable to a married couple.

This one I promise you is something that has been placed in my heart personally. I have really been led to sow “help” into a marriage.  I receive counsel also. This is teaching me the truth of marriage. Not just the glitter and gold and the romance but also the commitment, the struggles, the hardship, the disappointments, the faith, the love, the patience, the compromising that it takes. I talk to this couple about who I’m dating.  Who’s interested in me and I receive their advice. Although I know them I still make sure that my one-on-one’s are with the wife and other times speak with them as a couple.  Selah.

God knows what you need. He even knows what you desire. Often times we think we are so ready when truthfully we have so much to get in order before God places us in to a marriage that will be ruined because of our own selfishness.

I’m not promising you marriage in 2019.  What I can say is watch how God transitions your life and your thinking. Choose to commit!

Identity Crisis

I had the honor and privilege of ministering a few weeks ago about The Identity Crisis in the church.  For some reason this topic won’t leave me.  There is something that is vitally important for everyone who desires to move from that place called “STUCK”.  It’s not about your relationship with others, your relationship with family or anyone that we would like to focus on, to give permission to stay where we are. We all must deal with OURSELVES. We have to resolve our lives and how we have become WHO we have become. There is identity crisis not just in the church but on the earth. People not dealing with or accepting who they are because they are unable to identify who they are. We have become who our parents wanted us to be.  Who society says we should be. We have become the image of who we think our friends want us to be…But how many of us know WHO we are when no one is around?  How do you deal with the quietness? The loneliness. The idleness of YOU? And it’s sad to say some will not take the time or the risk of being alone to figure it out. 

I promise you that God made me do the work. He made me pull back the layers. He caused me to evaluate relationships, friendships, family, ministry and people because I needed to understand how I could be so consistent in every aspect of my life and relationships and be cast aside, abandoned, mistreated, unappreciated and feel completely alone. What more could I give? What more could I do? What more could I offer? When is it ever good enough?  Based upon my perception of people’s acceptance of me and not my acceptance of myself. I was seeking validation from those who should not have the authority or the power to validate me. I was comparing myself and my worth with others who I deemed not as consistent or faithful as me and still they received the reward and praise.  This attitude, thought and mindset is dangerous for anyone! I had to deal with ME.  The “Who” of me in order to understand my worth outside of public and social validation.  It is my prayer that everyone will take a moment and do the work. I wholeheartedly believe that it all starts with understanding our beginning. 

The first 4 chapters of Genesis deals with the creation and fall of man. Around chapter two we learn that God says it’s not good for man to be alone so he creates the animals, but they were not suitable so he causes man to fall asleep and pulls out a woman from the ribs of Adam. Adam is happy and gives this new development a title “WOMAN” but he does not give her a name.  

It’s important to know that every animal in the garden, even the trees were given a name but the one that was created specifically for Adam had no identity. She was bone of his bone flesh of his flesh but no identity, just a title and a responsibility. The “woman” could very well be dealing with some identity issues here and secretly comparing herself to all of the other creations. Probably feeling like she can’t voice her feelings…she walks around being all her husband needs until she comes in contact with something that challenges her “loneliness”...

The serpent who I like to refer to as the seducer shows up with a voice. He begins to woo her with something she feels will give her validation and affirm her. She needed to know the “Who” of her. God won’t tell her.  Adam won’t name her—so he won’t tell her... but this is her “alas” experience. The serpent “knows this”...at least...so he says. God knows in the day you eat your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, KNOWING…”  That’s the bait in hook because the “woman” just wanted to KNOW!! The internal crave and desire to KNOW caused her to make the biggest mistake of her life! Because how she did it caused seperation from GOD. How many of us have taken a risk thinking that it would be worth it in the end? Took chances that we were told not to take but said if I can just get an understanding or if I can just know I’ll be alright. Gone through someone’s email or phone # without access or permission all JUST to know. Why? Because the pains of not knowing was unbearable.  And so we find ourselves in places in life with bruises, wounds, scars from the process of discovery...only to end up in a place called “STUCK”. We become bitter, resentful and hardened in our hearts because this internal struggle has weighed us down. 

Can I submit to you that your struggle does not have to last? That your struggle of knowing “WHO” you are can come to a halt.  But you have to be willing to do the work, and have the conversation with the one that created you. No one can identify a creation better than the creator. To fully understand a product isn’t it best to go to the manufacturer? He has the answers you are seeking. God WHO am I? Unlike Eve, I don’t need validation from man I need to know WHO I am from You...because YOU made me. I need to know WHO You made me to be. I can’t continue going on this way because I am damaging myself by trying to figure out my life through the lens of other people.  WHO am I?!!!

After the fall of man...Adam proceeds to give the woman the very thing she had been searching for. He gives her a name. That name gives her identity.  “And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living” Eve proceeds to be WHO she was created to be. The mother of all living—she conceives and produces children who populate the Earth (this is all because of her.) When Eve knew her purpose she walked in it.

I believe that we all need to indulge in a little introspection seasonally to examine our hearts, resolve our purpose and to purify our motives. You were not placed on this Earth to be anyone other than WHO God created you to be!!

So again I ask: WHO are you and why are you here?

Sissss KNOW Your Worth!

I think it’s very important at this very moment to be transparent.

Marriage was at my door within the last year. I had given up on the idea to be honest, and just resolved to adopt a child a few years ago but...being around the families that I'm around God began to turn my heart. He made it pliable again...and something happened. There was a knock at my door. I wasn't looking for it. I wasn't chasing it. But this knock was a familiar knock. Eveything was going well. It was endearing, fun, nice, it was a good feeling. It seemed like it was "IT" we both thought so. He more so than I, but I came around to the possibility. Before I knew it we were making plans for forever...But something went wrong. Terribly wrong. Can't explain it if I tried because I couldn’t even fully figure it out. So we went our separate ways...Nonetheless..months go by and “it” showed up again. But I've had time to evaluate me in the process of separation. And so not only are my eyes open but mother wisdom and mother discernment is working in me. I'm trying to be open in the process. My friends are telling me honey just give it time. Just talk to him...Give it time.

But there were "signs" that I couldn't ignore or deny. [Despite the LOVE] Because if I told you that I fell out of love I'd be lying to you! And God and I didn't start the process of healing in my life for me to be a liar!!
The love was definitely a factor but it can't be the ONLY factor. 

So let me help you...
Women. You HAVE to know your worth!
I know it's getting real out here.
I understand the time is winding down.
I understand you feel lonely.
But what I also KNOW is you DO NOT have to settle.

Hear me good....
There is NOTHING wrong with you desiring to be married. (You were created to be a helpmeet. So what you feel was placed in you by God!! Don’t you dare feel guilty about that!)
Bend...but no you don't have to compromise certain things JUST to say you have a man.

Too many are doing that! And I'll be the first to say I have waited this long—I’m not about to compromise just to say that I have a man. Sisssssssss. Noooooooo.
If there were enough women NOT compromising then standards wouldn’t be so taboo.

Now I'm not all that deep. But I love God like for real. I respect who He is and who I am in Him. There are some things that are not going to be compromised!!
Lost one...Lost two....Lost three...I'm not afraid of losing! So if the intent is to attempt to get me to choose you over Christ? I lost you before you showed up!! Not happening!!
Where are the standards?!!
Where is the respect?!!
Like this is not about male bashing this is about YOU my SISTA!!!
THIS IS ABOUT US!!!
This is not about "he has to be tall dark and handsome. It's not about he has to have a Beamer or a Lex. It's not even about he has to have good credit...This is about "but do you love God for real though? Like are we in this walk and on the same path for real though?" Because if we are...then compromising what I believe in should be the least of my worries. But there are too many achans in the SISTA camp!! Too many trading the soul of what’s between your legs for a male not to love you but to just want you for whatever reason!!

And I get it. I hear you. I've never been you but I hear you. Because for me its never been about using sex to make him stay. Not my plight. I can't relate. But what I can relate to is being so lonely to the point that you start saying that wrong is right to justify being with what you KNOW is not compatible with your walk.

I've done folly!! Won't lie about that either it's a part of my testimony!! 

My flesh.....it needs constant subjection!! And there has been times when the Spirit was willing but the flesh was weak!

So let's be clear...I'm not here to judge you! You're my SISTA! I'm here to share and build WITH you.

To share with you some experiences. Some do's and don'ts. And some real truths...

Don't settle!!

Because after the wedding is over.
After the big day is done.
After yall have sex all over the house.
Sis what your soul looking like?

Sis has your "man" poured into you spiritually or is he still pouring his insecurities into your safe place? Sis is he still using you to dump his seed that he don't want you to really carry but bury?
Or maybe he wants you to have it and add more and more and make it harder for you to leave because you feel obligated or feel like nobody's going to want you now with "all these kids"?

I see YOU sis. I feel YOU sis. But none of that will make him love you enough to respect you.
If he can't pour into you SIS he's NOT for you!!
If he can't build you up and help you execute what God placed in you. SIS walk away.
If he does not discern to pray for you when you tell him about how trying your day was and now you have nothing to give him or those who need your gift?!! Sisss don't waste anymore time. Don't pass go. Don't proceed!!

Because SIS!! YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made. The very fabric of your being has been woven and created by God. The essence of who you are and the purpose that you carry can't afford to be damaged because SIS after you marry there is still work to do!! Will you be empowered or feel devoured?!!

It's time for you to declare some things...

It's time for US to declare some things...

I wil NOT compromise my faith
I will NOT deny who I believe in
I will trust in the Lord with all of my heart
I will wait on the Lord because He promised to renew my strength
I do NOT have to play house first
I do NOT have to have sex first
Although I am not perfect...
I AM worth waiting for
I AM worth fighting for
I do NOT have to continue in sin
I do NOT have to accept my past as an excuse to intefere with my future
It is NOT my job to pursue
It is not my job to look
I will trust that he will find me
I will put myself in settings that are conducive to my walk to be found
I deserve to be loved
I AM WORTH IT!!
I will NOT settle
I CANNOT settle

SIS do NOT be discouraged!!
God's got you!!
He knows what you need and desire
But don't put yourself in a place for Him to deny your request because of your flesh.
Don't marry out of your purpose.

I had to ask myself why God allowd me to experience this again. I had to challenge where I am in life. I had to ask myself the hard questions because I'm not ok with this. What was I to learn from this AGAIN.

What I realized is this one thing...and I know for sure—is that God was interested in knowing would I still choose Him the second time around knowing the years I felt like I lost by choosing Him before.

I had to resolve that!!

God I STILL choose you!!
I’m All IN!!
So God cover me while I continue in this journey...

...Now unto Him who is able...!!

The Virtue In Patience

I’m sure many of us have heard the expression “Patience is a virtue”. We usually here this expression when we show a lack of or when we have exercised the act of patience and it has proven to be rewarding. Sometimes, when we hear phrases, quotes, expressions they become more of a cliché than a plea to our character. Had it not been for a series of events this past week I probably would have looked this over as if it were another meaningless account that I would soon get over. But as I am attempting daily to evolve spiritually, in my quest I find myself asking God: “Now what was I supposed to learn from that?” 

I don’t believe anything happens without cause. So as of late I have been in constant dialogue with God about how things are happening in my life. Things like: “God what was the point of that?  If it wasn’t going to work out why did you let me go through it, if I prayed about it first?” So I did all of that and had a humble spirit and I still get treated like…you gotta explain this to me because I don’t get it.”  [Yea I’ve been talking to God just like that.]

Empowerment phrase: Don’t be afraid to have a conversation with God about how things are going and happening in your life. God is not afraid of you. He’s not intimidated by you. So if you have something that you need to say He already knows…just say it. The truth is…He just wants to hear from you anyway. Sometimes it’s in our discomfort that we spend the most time with Him and we learn if we endure that what seemed unbearable and life threatening…really wasn’t. Sometimes, He will answer while you’re talking. But if you just pause, discern, acknowledge and consider the moment…truth can and will be revealed to you.

So this past weekend I had a series of events that was really trying my patience. 

I left work to get my hair done on Friday. I got to my destination at 6:00 P.M. [now I will be fair in saying that my appointment wasn’t until 7:00 P.M.] but I was advised to call an hour early. I didn’t just call but I put myself in the position to be available. I did the extra that I wasn’t asked to do. I did not follow instructions. But I wanted results because I had an agenda that I didn’t properly prepare for.  I wanted to go to another event because it was convenient for me to do so. At any rate, I did not leave the salon until almost 1:00 A.M. I was so internally furious (not expressive) that I did not acknowledge how flawless my hair was and I walked passed the event that I wanted to attend and it was still going on!! A missed opportunity because of my lack of patience and emotional status. 

The following day, the same transpired. Attempting to control a situation without room for grace is a disservice to you and all around you. My purpose for being where I was should not have been overshadowed with my need to be somewhere else.  I was not in control of the situation and I had to let it be what it was in that moment. 

Then came Sunday…I knew the day would be extremely busy. I attempted to prepare myself the best I could but I had more on my plate than I considered. Timing was everything to me because I had so many places to be and yet again I was not in control of the situation. My ability to meet every criteria was predicated on the time efficiency and communication of others. After this day, I made some apologies to people that I had offended because in my anger and aggravation I talked to God and He showed me myself.  “I know what you say they did.  But what did you do?  How did you handle it?” I asked God to forgive me and help me with my temperament and my patience.

Then comes Monday morning. My transportation failed me. I ended up extremely late for work.  But this time…there was a change in my response despite my anger. Instead of lashing out I said “Jesus help me.” Instead of addressing the situation I used an outlet to vent that was a “safe place” and I prayed for help! The driver knew that I was late for work so his response was to speed. Nearly 3 accidents in retrospect could have happened while he tried urgently get me to my destination! I never addressed him…I just kept talking to my “safe place” and asking God to help me. I made it to work late. But I made it to work!! Still angry. Because I had not realized that the outcome was more powerful than the process. 

In my experiences that were imperfect to me, I failed to realize what I should have focused on.

My hair was done with perfection. My friend and his family were comforted. People were set free, healed and delivered and there I was STUCK in my emotional state. I’d lost my composure and not only did I lose patience but I also misplaced its virtue. 

Virtue…Why is this word plaguing me so much? Because through these experiences what I have come to realize is virtue not only speaks to righteousness…it also speaks to integrity and nobility! There you have it. I am failing at what I was destined to succeed in. My name means Nobility! The enemy and the inner me is attempting to forfeit my purpose. I am struggling with who I am supposed to be!!!! The past two years I have been constantly seeking God to build my character. Help me to work on my integrity…“Doing the right thing when no one is looking.”  Failing!!! Succeeding in some areas but overall failing in my temperament.

Because I have been so infuriated with the process that I haven’t been able to recognize the outcomes. 

I truly repent.  Because in this I have not seen God’s patience towards me. I have not fully recognized…

…His grace towards me! Being a follower of Him means that I should emulate His character. That means showing mercy, forgiving, loving, having compassion and PATIENCE with those that may not always deserve it…but you do it because of LOVE.

It is my continued prayer that God continues to humble me through my imperfections and strengthen me to achieve what He’s already purposefully done in me. 

And I pray for you…

…That through your aggravations that God will reveal to you where He is trying to grow you.  Everything has meaning. Nothing happens without purpose. Seek Him. God is not afraid of your situation…