INTEGRITY: “WHEN NOBODY KNOWS BUT YOU...”

Integrity many of us were taught, is doing the right thing when nobody is looking. Well….

I TOOK AN INTENTIONAL DRIVE TO WHOLE FOODS TODAY. 

I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I COULD AND COULD NOT HAVE; AND I WAS EXCITED TO GET MY BROCOLI RABE WITH ROASTED GARLIC AND MY BUTTERNUT SQUASH AND CRANBERRIES!  I MEAN VEGETARIAN OR NOT THAT COMBINATION IS EVERYTHING!

ANYWAY, AS I WALK TOWARDS THE FOOD AREA I HAVE TO PASS THE LITTLE PIZZERIA INSIDE. AS I WALK BY I NOTICE THE NICE AND FLUFFY FRESH LOOKING GARLIC KNOTS THAT I ALREADY ASSUME I CAN’T HAVE BECAUSE IT HAS TO BE LOADED WITH BUTTER. (RIGHT?) BUT I SAID YOU KNOW WHAT LET ME ASK BECAUSE AFTER THE COUNTRY CROCK PLANT BUTTER I HAD LAST NIGHT IT IS POSSIBLE FOR SOMETHING TO TASTE GOOD WITHOUT DAIRY BUTTER.

SO I PROCEED TO ASK THE YOUNG LADY: EXCUSE ME MISS, IS THERE BUTTER IN THE GARLIC KNOTS?

MS.: ACTUALLY NO THERE’S NO BUTTER IN THEM. 

(AT THIS POINT I DON’T BELIEVE HER, SO I PROCEED TO ASK AGAIN AND SHE LAUGHS AND STILL SAYS YES....) 

MS.: I PROMISE YOU THERE’S NO BUTTER. 

ME: I’LL TAKE TWO PLEASE. 

[AT THIS POINT I AM SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR.]

I GET BACK TO WORK...EXCITED ABOUT MY NICE AND TOASTY GARLIC KNOTS. STILL TO MY SURPRISE I READ AND NOTICE THE INGREDIENTS ON THE PACKAGE.

NO BUTTER!!! YAY! AND THEN…..LIKE A TON OF BRICKS IT SAYS: “PARMESAN CHEESE”

IMMEDIATELY, I’M DISAPPOINTED.  I HAVE NOW PREPARED MY TASTEBUDS FOR THIS!

FOR A MOMENT I THOUGHT TO MYSELF: “JUST DO IT” JUST HAVE ONE. YOU’LL BE FINE. NOBODY WILL SEE YOU.

WHEN I SAID NOBODY WILL SEE YOU TO MYSELF, I IMMEDIATELY KNEW THAT WASN’T ME. I HAVE BEEN PROUD OF MYSELF FOR LIVING IN MY TRUTH AND BEING OK WITH “ME” AT THIS STAGE IN MY LIFE.  WHY WOULD I COMPROMISE THAT FOR A PIECE OF BREAD. A GARLIC KNOT AT THAT. 

THAT’S HOW YOU ARE  TO INTEPRET 

WRONG WHEN YOU NEED TO DO RIGHT. 

SEE IT FOR THE UNNECCESSARY EVIL THAT IT IS AND SAY TO YOURSELF “IT’S NOT WORTH MY INTEGRITY!

NOBODY WILL KNOW. NOBODY CAN SEE ME. BUT GUESS WHAT? I KNOW. I CAN SEE ME, AND AT SOME POINT...HOW I TREAT ME AND VALUE "ME" HAS TO MATTER. BECAUSE IF IT DOESN’T I WILL ONLY DO THE RIGHT THING(S) FOR THE WRONG REASONS AND THAT IS THE MAKING OF A DECEITFUL HEART.

AND THE WAGES OF THAT SIN…IS NOT WORTH THE FIRST BITE…

“The Culture”

There is a term that I've heard in the last few years called "rape culture". To those of you who haven’t heard of this term, it is a sociological concept for a setting in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality.

In other words, somehow society tends to turn their head when someone is raped depending on their status and social settings. Rape culture has been trivialized, objectified, victim-blaming and slut shaming. So it's the victims fault and or consequence for the act of rape. Rape culture has been used in slavery as gay slave owners would rape the male slave in front of their wives and children to break his spirit and cause their families to consider him weak. Sometimes these men would commit suicide after experiencing such a devastating and immoral act. In prisons, men and women who did not adhere to the men/women that were assigned to uphold the law would be raped to assert authority. Other prisoners would rape new prisoners to claim dominance and ownership as their property while serving their time. This was also exemplified in war soldiers who would rape their enemies and bring them into sexual slavery and prostitution as an attempt to gain psychological power; and cause dehumanization of the victim leaving them subservient to his/her oppressor and voiceless. (In order to humiliate their enemy.)

Quite vile when you think about it right? But it was actually justified as long as it was a means to an end. The sad thing is this idea of rape culture started thousands of years ago with the same rational you see in past times and even today. This idea didn't just happen but often times this was a seed sown within families and never properly dealt with or corrected and spilled into societal behaviors.

This brings me to the meat of what I’d like to share on this particular blog….

…There is a common name that every race whether black or white, every culture whether Jewish or Italian, every religion whether Christian or Muslim, can identify with [or you have heard the name] King David. He is without doubt one of the most famous and renowned kings in all of history.  

Known for slaying lions and bears, Goliath with a Sling Shot and ultimately becoming the King of Israel.

David is and was the man! What many fail to acknowledge is that although King David was indeed "the man" he was also a very flawed family man. Many may have heard of David but may not know much about his family life with the exception of his obsession with Bathsheba.

I mean what else is there to know right? Wrong.  David had a huge family. He had eight wives and 19 plus children (unfortunately only the male sons were counted as if they were the only ones who mattered). However, David is believed to have 2 other sons (believed to have died at birth so hey they doesn't count either because it was frowned upon…but that's another story for another day) and then there was Tamar. She was the daughter of David and Maacah.  

Now before I go any further—I realize this is a lot of information but it is crucial to this story. I need you the reader to understand that rape culture is unfortunately not new at all. We know that there is nothing new under the sun. So yea anyway, Tamar is the beautiful daughter of her father and mother and sister to her only full brother Absalom. Rewind, remember I said David had 19 plus children? Well Amnon was one of them and because the culture says his mother doesn't matter I'm going to tell you her name anyway...Ahinoam. Never scared! Anyway, Amnon has a thing for his half sister. Wow! Although, Levitcus says this type of thing was unlawful because of the culture Amnon just didn't care. He set his own sister up to ....yup...rape her. Prior to this occurrence, he woos her. (Or what we call today: swoons her) He tells her he's in love with her, but she sees that this isn't going to go well so she pleads with him to ask for her hand in marriage. (how desperate is that??) Seemingly she knew that this would end up back firing on her and she would never marry if he raped her so she kept pleading. From her perspective, the least he could do since boys rule is marry me since you claim you love me so much. But the problem is it wasn't love (it's usually not if you have to rape someone to have them) it was obsession, lust, an unnatural affection that was sure to pass once he got what he wanted and sure enough it did! After he laid with her he was utterly disgusted with her. The scripture goes on to say he hated her more than he had loved her! (2 Samuel 13:15) Wow...that went left real quick!

Poor Tamar right? Poor King David? Or Poor Amnon? The fact that this is a question to ponder says a lot about "the culture". Tamar is the victim. Forced to live with her brother Absalom after being humiliated and damaged goods. David is angry his house is in disarray but his son Amnon is supposed to be the next king! He can't punish him! Not only does he not punish him he never even addresses it with him! Talk about rape culture!! Here it is his daughter was raped by her own brother!! He does nothing because his son was crowned prince? No he does nothing because to acknowledge what his son did would bring reproach on his kingdom and he would be seen as not having control over his household. So now the plot thickens. He sacrifices his own daughter "for the culture". Good old King David right? We all love him right? He's a man after God's own heart and he got all of this going on.
Argh! Let me come out of my feelings so I can continue....so Absalom sees his father really not trying to compromise who he is over a private family matter so Absalom plots to avenge his sister and takes it personal because to violate his sister is like violating him (I guess it's a man thing. Make it about you to cause you to man up and defend the woman…I guess..shrugs). 

Fast forward: Absalom orders his brother Amnon to be murdered and then he flees. He becomes an enemy of his father David. Absalom and David have it out. Absalom tries to flee and dies a reckless death.

But what would have happened if David would have stood up for his own daughter? What would have happened if he didn't allow status, prestige and male dominance to silence her? Like so many other women who have been quiet and also silenced due to a fault not of their own. Sure David lost 2 sons but what he failed to consider is the day he didnt defend his daughter—he had lost her too! As the story says she ran to her mother’s father’s house not even her father’s side of the family because she knew she could not put trust in who did not come to her rescue.

How many people in your family, your circle, your job, your church, your tribe know what you experienced or what someone has experienced but felt it best to keep silent? Are you one of them? If so, you are inadvertently continuing a culture that needs to be abolished for good!

The saying "snitches get stitches" does not justify your silence. There are lives at stake and it's past time to break the cycle and demolish the "culture" for the culture….!

To be continued…

"I Am My Mother’s Child…My Father’s Seed"

(My truth heals me.)

I am my mother's child; my father’s seed. 

You see my mother gave birth to me; 

My father…well he planted in the Earth for me.  

There is no denying my mother and father had to coexist. 

…Because for her to be seedless will take away from my very existence…

So I can't acknowledge one without the other right?  

I was not created alone by my mother…

…And although sometimes I feel my father shouldn't have even bothered…

I would not exist without him... 

Yet he could exist without me. 

So see my emotions are not reality… 

My childhood just bothers me. 

And sometimes I wonder how I got here. 

And everyday I’m reminded when I look in the mirror and see my mother in me. 

But when someone calls out my name…

…I'm reminded just the same… 

That, I am the seed of Eugene. 

You see he is the prefix of my name. 

The root of my words. (And my pain…)

Without him….

I would just be I A....an indefinite function without a consonant, missing a noun to define me. You see "I" just wouldn’t make sense. 

And "I" would even question my relevance…..

All the same you may think there's not much in a name. 

But in the old days your name defined who owned you as a slave. 

And those who trespassed…

Could not bypass the fact that you belonged to someone. 

You were the property of 

Even if you didn't like it

You could try to fight it 

But there was no denying it 

Because you were branded, stamped and tagged, 

Sealed and coded 

And we would all know it…

And at times with that same disdain 

I answer to that name. 

Because there really is no one to blame

And well I am here. 

And here with purpose. 

Because I could have just been another spilled seed and earth less.... 

…I wasn’t wasted!

So his existence….Is and Was not worthless... 

Because I give him relevance! 

Even though one may never know who he is. 

They will know through me…

I am the product of Eugene. 

And I proudly acknowledge it!....

I am my mother’s child. 

I am my father’s seed. 

Yes he is growing in me. 

And I’m shouting from the earth

EUGENIA til the death of me!! 

Unedited version written by: Eugenia B. the daughter/seed of Eugene B.

(A poem excerpt from “Name Sake” )

What About Your Friends?

Truism…Some friendships/relationships are worth saving and fighting for. Some are hazardous, toxic, detrimental and out of season; and we need to let them go. So how do you discern what to keep and what to hold on to? I’m glad “you asked…”
First objective: is to put everyone in their proper place. (Compartmentalize)
Everyone is not your friend and/or you are not everyone’s friend. (Meaning you may be a friend to people that are not genuinely a friend to you and vice versa.)
Some are acquaintances/ [close] associates, or what I like to call in the “cordial corner”. Meaning, we are not friends, we are cordial in the presence of one another but I don’t have your phone number, etc. and that’s okay. (Me and the cordial people do very well together  because I know where we stand.)

Once you have made THAT distinction let’s now put everyone in their rightful place.
Are they my friend? What do they impart into me? How do they add positively to my future, my life, my mental health, and my overall well-being. Do they ever give constructive criticism? Do they pray, hope, wish, dream with and for me? Are they vested? Do we agree? “How can two walk together except they agree?” Amos 3:3  (Did yall think that was only in marriage?) Hmmmmm…No honey! We have to have something in common in order to agree in marriage, and friendship. (Relationships) If they meet this criteria; let’s see if we can reason together. Let’s make sure that we are in agreement with our relationship—because some of us are assuming friendships unaware or in denial of truth.
Ask the hard questions too: Are they always negative? Never giving constructive criticism? Do they always smile at me and “yes” me about everything? Are they always needy and take even when I say I don’t have but….If they fit this description it’s not their fault. Ask yourself why you need their insincere validation, when you can’t hold them accountable for simply caring about you.

Then you have your seasonal folk/friends/acquaintances/etc…The label is a restriction and a hindrance so let’s not focus on it. Instead, honor, appreciate and respect what and who they were in THAT particular season. Whether good or bad….Seasons come and go in order to grow you. Some seasons are cold, some are hot, some are just right, and we’ll…some come to change the leaves and the perspective of what was……..When you have to force something or spark something and all you have to reflect, embrace and go by is that season…….Move on. It’s okay. “A Time for Everything - There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die.” Ecclesiastes 3

Respond To The Shift!

What do you do when you feel the shift but can't move? I have asked myself this time and time again because I have been in a position where I knew that it was time to move with the shift.

Often times the problem is people expect there to be friction during the shift and because there is no contention they do not believe that what they are actually experiencing is a press to move. It is sad that sometimes we have to be forced to grow. Growth does not come easy to many but growth most times comes with pressure for a lot of people because of fear of disappointment and fear of criticism.

Have you ever heard of a student who excels in everything but because the crowd and their friends do not excel they are willing to dumb themselves down to fit where they no longer belong? The lengths that people will go for public acceptance. To go against the grain is uncommon. It is unpopular. It is unexpected. But in life, sometimes you have to leave everything behind in order for you to move forward.

I'm reminded of the story of Lot and his family. They were in a city that had become defiled and in order to keep peace the people in the city were willing to compromise what they knew was right, to avoid contention, with what they knew was wrong. The angel of the Lord spoke very clearly to Lot when He said “The Lord heard how evil the city was and He's going to destroy it. Get your family and go.” As Lot was leaving the “place of familiar” with his wife in hand, they were informed not to look back. As they were journeying out of a city that had been given their penalty and their just reward—his wife looked back at what was familiar to her...because she had grown to accept nothing more then what she had. She had grown to accept a place that would not bring her any growth but instead destroy her. But because she was comfortable and content she was willing to stay and die. Sometimes our feet move, our bodies move but God knows where our heart and our eyes are focused. The distraction was not only in her heart but the distraction was also in her eyes. Any time you take your focus off of what is meant to propel you into the shift of the next move you are placing yourself in the position to fail.

It is either sink or swim in this season. There are going to be many that have to move with the shift. There’s going to be opposition, contention and strife for so many because we have been comfortable with where we are. God does not reward the comfortable. God rewards those who press towards the mark. I can remain in a heated room, in a heated apartment, in a studio, or in a living room and be comfortable, because sometimes it is hard to either believe or except that I have to become uncomfortable and put my shoes and coat on and weather the storm and the cold for something greater that I am unsure of. Yet God promised. But we don't wanna weather the storm we'd rather stay in the place of comfortability and stability. God wants to give us greater in the shift. He wants to give us more in the shift. We have to become uncomfortable with “the pit” in order to get to “the palace”.

I have to admit that lately, I have become very uncomfortable. I have become very uneasy. I have become very unsettled, because I know that God wants to shift me. But where I am is comfortable. Where I am is convenient. Where I am I'm still needed but not wanted! Jesus...Where I am I'm still producing but not respected. Where I am I'm still grinding but not going. I am at a spiritual cap...because of fear of the shift.

The reality is I don't believe that I'm alone. I don't believe it's just me. Something in my spirit tells me that a lot of us are in the place called "Decision". We need to not just pray for the success of our going—but we must pray for our mobility and momentum. How long will you be in “The valley of indecision?”

The children of Israel was delivered out of Egypt only to experience years of wander. God shifted them, and then gave them the responsibility to walk into a new land. A promised land filled with milk and honey. But they had the audacity to say I'd rather go back to the manna then to deal with what I have to deal with to get my promise. Isn't that just like some of us? We'd rather settle for the struggle then to deal with what it will take to enter into the promise!! I don't know about you but I'm tired of accepting the struggle. I'm tired of accepting mediocrity. I'm tired of accepting where I am. The treatment, the disappointment, the ostracizing, the isolation, and unacceptance because it's familiar.

God is speaking in this hour very clearly. It was never intended for us to be complacent and comfortable. Jesus ministry was progressive. Don't let the religious view of loyalty hinder your purpose. Be faithful unto death but don't ignore the shift.

"I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength..."

God recognizes that you are weak and tired. So He sits before you an open door. Choose to walk through it.

Your destiny, your ministry, your purpose is depending on your ability to hear and respond to the Shift.

Revelation 3:8 KJV